May 5, 2008

Man, was I misunderstood

I guess I'm not doing such a good job getting my real intentions/feelings across in my posts. I removed the last post because apparently I was misunderstood. Never, EVER do I hope that something horrible happens to any patient - whether it be preterm labor and delivery, pre-eclampsia, hemmorhage, a horrible delivery either by c-section or vaginally. I guess my whole point is if you read the last post before I removed it was that it's nice to be able to stop the spiral of a poor outcome from happening - not to enjoy that it happens. But unfortunately, bad stuff happens. And if there weren't people out there that didn't mind the stress and rush of pregnancy/labor/and its possible complications, there wouldn't be any OB/GYNS, doulas, nurses working in OB, there wouldn't be anyone to deliver the baby, to support moms while they are laboring with or without an epidural, to help get moms wishes across to the doctor for her because she's busy birthing her baby, to help keep her calm as we prepare for a transfer to a higher level facility, to support her and let her mourn the loss of her child, or as we prepare her for a preterm delivery because keeping her pregnant would be more detrimental to her and her baby's health. I enjoy labor and birth. I like the continuity of care, but I realize that some women might not like/bond with their nurse, whether it be personality differences or something else. I can't tell you how many times I have come home stressed and cried because of something that happens at work. I shed many, many tears when a family delivers a stillborn. I end up having to look at my relationship with God and wonder why He lets these things happen, and I have to process all of that every single time it happens (although I know its worse for the family). I cry when we transfer someone because the fetal monitor strip looks like shit and they are less than 34 weeks and I know that they'll be delivered as soon as they are at the other hospital with a NICU. I cry when we have a crash c-section in the middle of the night after the baby's been delivered and everything is stable. So I guess I'm going to have to be more careful in how I type my words. Perhaps I should just get a diary and write all of this down in a book and not share my thoughts on-line. Labor nurses are people, we have feelings and get stressed at work like any other job. I shouldn't let one comment bother me, but again, this is the kind of person I am - I'm anal retentive and I don't like offending people. Give me a little slack here.


AwkwardMoments said...

I read your last post and i did not think that it was any way offensive. Blogs are 1 dimensional and some times people have a hard time with intrepretation. It's best to ask if confused rather than assume!

I know it's hard to translate all that you mean in a post 0 i am AWFUL at that

Future OB/GYN said...

I wish I read your lat post before you removed it, but I understand your feelings anyway. It's really nice that you take time to blog about your experiences on L&D and you shouldn't be critizied for what you say.

Jessica said...

I really enjoy reading your blog, and have never taken any offense to anything you've said. And, honestly, this is your blog, and you can say anything you feel like saying on it. I like reading about your experiences that you have, hard day or not. :) I agree with future ob/ shouldn't be criticized for what you write.

MentalMom said...

I'm so sorry that someone said something hurtful. I didn't get a chance to read the post before you deleted it (more on that later). I've been reading your blog for quite a while and have never found you to be be anything but a compassionate nurse who also happens to be HUMAN.
I had a baby a week ago (5/2). Induced VBAC for PIH heading into pre-e. Baby ended up in NICU. I dealt with literally DOZENS of nurses and doctors from my OB-labor nurse-neonatologist-NNP's-NICU nurses etc.....everyone was absolutely amazing. Not one dud in the bunch---how amazing is that. They all worked HARD for me (especially my OB who has/d put in a lot of time and effort to this pregnancy) and my baby. No one was ever short with me, impatient or belittleing. They all worked a minimum of 12 hr shifts, often more like 18-24 hr + and yet each and everyone found the time to talk and more importantly listen.
Working in MFM is a calling and is far from easy. NOt everyone doing it should be but I prefer to give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.