October 18, 2007

Relaxing, planning and remembering

Monday night I went into work, but got to come home after 2 hours. It was kind of nice. I don't usually like to be "flexed" and put on call, but it hasn't happened for a long time, and honestly, now is a good time to have a bit of a break. The only bad thing will be when I have to go back to work Saturday after being off for basically 5 nights. I was there long enough to hear about a sad situation. A 17 year old gave birth to a baby. Mom has a mood disorder and attempted suicide several times, the first time at age 9. She seemed to have a lot of family support, but come to find out, her mother has only supervised visits with her niece, and her stepdad cannot have any contact with his niece. This patient lives with them. And the probable father is a registerd sex offender. I dont know how this situation will play out, but it doesn't seem fair that this little innocent baby was born into this sad mix. Between cases like this, the pregnant teenageers and homeless pregnant, I can't help but wonder why there can possible be people out there who would make great parents but aren't for reasons out of their control. It's God's plan, and I'm not supposed to understand I guess. I just have to take care of my patients, make sure that when the mom and baby are discharged that they will be cared for and try not to pass judgement as it's not my place.

If anyone knows me, they know that I love making lists and being prepared. Doesn't mean that I am incredibly organized, but I try. Back in college when my roommate and I would make our almost weekly weekend trip to visit our boyfriends (now husbands) at a campus 1 hour away, we would sit in class on Thursday and make a list of what clothes and accessories we would be wearing for the weekend. We would then paint our nails that night, pack our bags according to our lists so we could leave straight from class. After having kids, I'm not quite that anal retentive about lists, but as close as I can be with 2 preschoolers. Now that I have the baby's room set up for the most part, I'm able to move on to more planning. The day I ended up delivering Clara, I had planned on cooking several meals and freezing them so we would have decent meals while we adjusted to 2 kids. But, I obviously never got to do it because I went to my appointment and didn't come home until 4 days later. So I'm going to try again. I'm not sure what I'm going to make though. I plan on making a pan of lasgana, and a batch of italian beef. But beyond that I'm not sure. Anyone have any recipes that freeze well?

This past week on October 15, was a day to remember all the babies that families have lost. This Saturday we have our annual Walk to Remember. It's nice to go and show respect for the families, but also to see former patients and see how their lives are going forward, if they've had children since. I also walk in memory of my niece, Mirabel, who was stillborn at 39.4 weeks December 1, 2003. My sister-in-law went into labor, didn't realize anything was wrong until they got to the hospital and couldn't find a heartbeat. She had called me to be her labor coach and I was on my way and didn't find out until I walked into their labor room and saw my brother-in-law crying and saw the blank fetal monitor. It was the worst feeling in the world. I can't even imagine the pain parents feel when I remember how my heart broke that day. Mirabel would have been 5 months younger than my son and man, did we have plans for these children. Every year on the day she was born, they bake angel food cake, light a candle and say a prayer for her. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are just now at a point where they plan on starting to try again. So here's to all the babies that have gone on to be with God before us - you aren't forgotten.

1 comment:

Jen, Rich & Joey said...

That is so sweet of you to walk in the Walk to Remember and honor your angel niece's birth day. Its the nicest most thoughtful thing anyone can do for parents of an angel.
My family doesn't ever remember my angel Erik's birth day, and it happens to be 2 days after my mom's birthday. I wish they'd remember my son, it hurts that they don't. His life may have been short lived, but that doesn't mean he doesn't count. His birthday should be recognized like any other child's birthday should be. Normally, my husband and I celebrate together quietly at home and have cake.