August 29, 2009

A Humble Thanks

It's amazing how supportive people can be in a time of loss. I am humbled by the outreach of family, friends, coworkers, and readers. I can't say how much it has meant to me. I've had so many comments of support, and offers of resources I can use to help me through this time. Just a simple "I'm sorry" has meant the world. The pre-op nurse worked to get me comfortable ASAP, my doctor said the most reassuring words she could. My sister made a huge sacrifice and cancelled her appointments for the end of this past week and called to tell me "I'm coming, it's not a questions, just letting you know". She was there to help calm my nerves about the surgery, and my irrational fears about general anesthesia. She spoke up for me when my dumb ass rated my pain "a 6" when I got to same day surgery because she knows how I am with rating my pain, usually downplaying how bad it is. She sat with poor Husband who isn't as comfortable in a hospital as we are, because he doesn't work in healthcare, and helped keep him calm as he waited much longer for me to get out of surgery than they had originally thought it would take. And to listen to him in his grief. And so much more than I can say right now. She'll continue to listen to me talk about my grief, and listen as we try to figure out when we should try again. And my SIL, who isn't always so good about saying helpful things, actually, she's pretty good about saying exactly the WRONG things, was a huge help. She tended to the kids, cooked meals, and cleaned my house for me. And she knew exactly what to say. I mean, she lost her baby at 39 weeks, so she knows what it means to lose a baby, more so than I. My parents have also been great. They have called to check on me, Mom I know was tormented the whole time I was in surgery, torn because she had to work, but wanted to be there at the hospital, even though there wasn't anything she could do. But she's my mom, so I can only imagine what it was like for her, not only grieving for the grandchild she'll never hold, but wanting to comfort HER child. My Dad, the strong, silent type, called many times, just to see how I was and was reassuring when he caught me Tuesday night mid-sob. The cards from my co-workers, Husband's boss, and all the kind words from people who have never had to suffer a loss, and those who know have been uplifting. Husband has also been my rock, tending to my needs, when I know he, too, is hurting. He left right away when I told him I was bleeding, he held my hand when they did the bullshit testing in ER, he held me as I cried when the ER doc finally told me what I already knew. He tried to be strong although he felt helpless as I labored with a baby that was gone for 3 weeks. And he's held me several times, and as I cried myself to sleep last night, I'm sure a tear or two escaped his eyes silently while he comforted me. It was his loss, too. I'll never, ever be able to express my thanks to everyone. So here's my humble Thanks. Thanks again.

5 comments:

Joy said...

I'm so glad your family has been such an amazing support system for you during this time!

Anonymous said...

I read your story and I am sorry for your loss. I went through two miscarriages. The second one only four months ago - and only 6 weeks after we lost my mother in law to cancer at age 55. I also chose to flush (despite my doctor asking me to collect the tissue). It was hard to see what I saw, but it helped in a way.
There is nothing to say. You will always miss this baby. My first miscarriage was 9 years ago, and I still feel it when the month of June comes...
Something that helped me somehow is something my husband told me during the second miscarriage : "we have two daughters, and God forbid, if it happens to them, you want to be strong to support them, you want to be an example for them", so I could not allow myself to fall apart. I don't know if that makes sense but it did to me.
After I finished bleeding, we also went on a long week end, to relax, and enjoy our blessings, our children, etc... It helped...
Good luck with your recovery. Take the time you need, lean on your husband, hug your kids, and take care of yourself.

lonelymom said...

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our son at 20 weeks to acute chorioamnionitis caused by a GBS infection in March. What helped me get through all the awfulness of delivering my son were the little things that our doctor and nurses did to make things more bearable. I'm glad you were able to find the same comfort. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The Navarro Family said...

i'm glad that you and your family is getting such good support right. again i am so sorry for your loss. i can tell just from following your blog what a good person you are and i wish you didnt have to go through this. even when it stinks to hear everything happens for a reason and i hope one day you can look back and love you lost baby without feeling so much pain. i wish you all the luck in the world when you start ttc again. brightest blessings

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for about a year now...

I just wanted to say how shocked I was when I came back from my vacation to hear about your miscarriage. I just wanted to say that the exact same thing happen to me at a loss at 11 weeks. My baby had also been gone since week 8, I even ran a 10k race in the first few weeks of my pregnancy feeling super fantastic. But at the same time I knew right from the BFP that things wouldn't end well, I also had that bad feeling.

I too had 7 hours of labour (in the hospital awaiting my D&C) that hurt way worse than the 12 hours of labour with my daughter, the bleeding that was copious and seemed to last forever, not to mention all the emotional trauma that went along with it all. Reading your story was like looking into a mirror. I don't mean to sound cliche when I say I know it feels but I really do. Don't worry, you will get through this. Stay strong and keep blogging.