August 29, 2009
A Humble Thanks
It's amazing how supportive people can be in a time of loss. I am humbled by the outreach of family, friends, coworkers, and readers. I can't say how much it has meant to me. I've had so many comments of support, and offers of resources I can use to help me through this time. Just a simple "I'm sorry" has meant the world. The pre-op nurse worked to get me comfortable ASAP, my doctor said the most reassuring words she could. My sister made a huge sacrifice and cancelled her appointments for the end of this past week and called to tell me "I'm coming, it's not a questions, just letting you know". She was there to help calm my nerves about the surgery, and my irrational fears about general anesthesia. She spoke up for me when my dumb ass rated my pain "a 6" when I got to same day surgery because she knows how I am with rating my pain, usually downplaying how bad it is. She sat with poor Husband who isn't as comfortable in a hospital as we are, because he doesn't work in healthcare, and helped keep him calm as he waited much longer for me to get out of surgery than they had originally thought it would take. And to listen to him in his grief. And so much more than I can say right now. She'll continue to listen to me talk about my grief, and listen as we try to figure out when we should try again. And my SIL, who isn't always so good about saying helpful things, actually, she's pretty good about saying exactly the WRONG things, was a huge help. She tended to the kids, cooked meals, and cleaned my house for me. And she knew exactly what to say. I mean, she lost her baby at 39 weeks, so she knows what it means to lose a baby, more so than I. My parents have also been great. They have called to check on me, Mom I know was tormented the whole time I was in surgery, torn because she had to work, but wanted to be there at the hospital, even though there wasn't anything she could do. But she's my mom, so I can only imagine what it was like for her, not only grieving for the grandchild she'll never hold, but wanting to comfort HER child. My Dad, the strong, silent type, called many times, just to see how I was and was reassuring when he caught me Tuesday night mid-sob. The cards from my co-workers, Husband's boss, and all the kind words from people who have never had to suffer a loss, and those who know have been uplifting. Husband has also been my rock, tending to my needs, when I know he, too, is hurting. He left right away when I told him I was bleeding, he held my hand when they did the bullshit testing in ER, he held me as I cried when the ER doc finally told me what I already knew. He tried to be strong although he felt helpless as I labored with a baby that was gone for 3 weeks. And he's held me several times, and as I cried myself to sleep last night, I'm sure a tear or two escaped his eyes silently while he comforted me. It was his loss, too. I'll never, ever be able to express my thanks to everyone. So here's my humble Thanks. Thanks again.