January 16, 2008
Maybe Again Someday?
When Jacob was born, we knew that we wanted 2 children. When we found out Clara was a girl, we had decided that we were done having babies. We had a boy and a girl, so what else could we ask for? So I gave away all the baby boy clothes. When Clara was about a month old, I looked at my husband and said "I think I want another baby". I didn't mean right away, but I knew I didn't want to not have another. And he agreed. Once I got pregnant with Isaiah, I had been pretty firm in saying no more children. Not because I wouldn't love another child or 3 more. I just felt that 3 was a good number, we can financially care for three, we have a bedroom for each child and I didn't really want to go through another pregnancy, delivery and recovery. We didn't have anything permanent done because I wanted to make sure that we were in fact comfortable with not having another baby. Last night I printed out all my pregnancy pictures, labeled them and put them away. I felt a bit sad knowing that was the last time I'd be pregnant. Then we tucked Jacob and Clara into bed and they each gave us a hug, kiss and an "I love you", and then I sat and rocked Isaiah to sleep. I looked at his precious sleeping face and I felt the same feelings coming up again as when Clara was a newborn: I think I may want another baby someday. Now I know it could just be hormones or whatever. But I want to feel that first movement when you know it's the baby. I remember the first time I saw each of my kids and that overwhelming feeling you get of "Wow, that's my baby". I watch my 2 older children with Isaiah and how they are just so interested in him (right now). I see how much each child has changed in such a short amount of time. Maybe it would be tempting fate, or maybe a little selfish as we already have been blessed with easy conception, and healthy pregnancies, deliveries and babies. Maybe we wouldn't be so lucky a 4th time. But I think I want to do it again someday. Last night I didn't say anything to my husband. I'll wait until later, just to see if it was just a passing fancy of mine or not. And obviously if he's not up for it, then we'll enjoy our 3 beautiful children grow. But, maybe, just maybe we'll do this again.