I Made it Through the Rain..

Ah, just a little throw back to Barry Manilow. Mom loves Barry Manilow and Dr. Sis and I were subjected to his music growing up. We even went to a concert and we knew every. single. song., except for his new release. I do like Copacabana, (and Mandy, I Write the Songs, Could it be Magic, oops, did I just admit to that?!?) but I digress. This song title just seemed appropriate. I survived this weekend at work. It was hard, but I got through it. Saturday night was super busy. Between me and the other labor nurse working that night, we were responsible for 10 laboring patients in that 12 hour shift. I had my first vag delivery and c/s since going back. That seems to be the key for me, getting through the "firsts". The vaginal delivery was perfect. Nice couple, very excited about their first baby. Mom did great, only pushed for 15 minutes and had a beautiful baby. I did okay with that delivery, just a very quick moment that I thought tears could surface, but they didn't. What was hard was my c-section delivery. My coworkers thought it was strange that a c-section of all things would reduce me to a few tears. It was no surprise to me. All I could think about was "that should have been me in March". And to make matters worse, it was my doc's patient, so it would have been the exact scenario. It was a repeat c/s due to the onset of labor. So a simple, no rush deal, but my anxiety level was where it is at after I've done true crash sections. My hands were shaking, I was anxious, and simple things seemed more difficult than they needed to be. Here's what I mean: we put foleys in after the spinal, and my doc is one that will do it herself before she scrubs in. Sometimes when you fill the catheter bulb with the saline, if you aren't careful, it will shoot out all over the place and not go into the catheter bulb. That's what happened. So what I have done in the past is grab 2 saline flushes and use them. But there weren't any in the OR for some reason, and instead of thinking "just get some tap water in a bowl" because really, it doesn't matter what goes into the bulb, but I grabbed a vial of saline and a bottle opener, popped the top until I realized it was lidocaine and thought, "I can't use this", and then just opened some irrigation. Duh! And during the whole thing, I kept thinking "Nurse Lochia, what is your problem? You've circulated many, many c-sections. You could circulate in your sleep (not actually b/c I have to see to do the counts) Why are you so worked up?" Everyone seemed to understand, and afterwards, I let myself mourn a bit and let a few tears fall. The next one I think will be better. Each night this weekend (I also work Monday nights, so I consider that part of my weekend) was a bit easier. No tears actually fell Sunday or Monday night, they welled up a time or two, and I let myself cry a bit to and from work. So I'm really doing okay.
Running has been a very good thing for me, even before the miscarriage. Like I said, I plan on increasing my mileage, plan on doing the St Jude 5K race and I'm looking ahead to actually doing the St. Jude Run. It's held the first Saturday in August each year. I probably won't be doing it next year as I hope to be with child in August, but I do think this is my ultimate goal. I've seen the St. Jude runners going through in the past, and on top of the running aspect, it's raising money for a great organization. Runners don't actually run the entire way, but it's done in legs, I think. I don't know too much about it, yet. I had thought my ultimate goal would be doing the Chicago Marathon, but I think this is better. Doing something that I enjoy PLUS its for a great cause? Of course I'll sign up!