March 31, 2011

Phone Triage

You just never know what kind of phone calls you are going to get in the middle of the night. I don't know what it is, but something about the time between midnight and 3:00 am brings out the most intelligent questions. My guess is that people go to bed and lie awake just thinking about something that has been bugging them all day, pregnancy related, and then decide to call L&D. Or they want to mess with us. Either way, I've gotten some strange ones, like the grandma to be who called because her daughter who was 13 weeks pregnant was trying to poop, but couldn't finish the job. Her question was how to get the turd that was half-way out, all the way out of her anus. This past weekend was full of odd phone calls and while not as bizarre as the poop call, here are some of the gems I fielded:

"Um, yeah, I just found out I'm pregnant and I have a question for you. I just had sex earlier tonight and I was wondering if I could get pregnant with another baby while I'm pregnant with this one? I would shoot myself if I got knocked up with twins!"

"Can a chick have anal sex if she's pregnant?" Call was made by a man

"I accidently put nipple cream on my hemorrhoids. Is that ok?"


trooppetrie said...

this is beyond comical. keeps you laughing

Jessica said...

Yea...I've gotten some whoppers too. People really are ignorant at times. I would be humiliated to tell a doctor or nurse some of the things they do!

My response is your doctor or come in to be evaluated. I don't even bother answering their stupid questions.

Like..."I think my baby is hungry because it feels like it is scratching through my cervix"...or a patient coming in to deliver an IUFD...when in reality it turned out to be 3 tampons that had been stuck in her vagina for who knows how long! Oh that was a doozie. About knocked everyone out from the smell.

AtYourCervix said...

This is why I like the fact that on our L&D unit, it is NOT part of the nurses job to triage telephone calls. We always refer the patient to their doctor's after hours phone number/answering service.

Nurse Lochia said...

yeah, we don't actually answer questions either, we have to tell them to either come in to be checked out or to call their doctor...thank goodness b/c wowzers, I'm not sure how I would answer questions like that. But I do feel for the docs that get that 3am phone call!