August 27, 2010

One Year

One year ago today, I miscarried my little angel. You know, it seems strange that it has already been a year. In one way, it seems like just yesterday, but in other ways, it seems like a lifetime ago. A lot has changed in that year and today I have all sorts of emotions/feelings/thoughts that I just can't put into words. If you've ever had a loss, I'm sure you understand. I wish that I hadn't lost that baby...but if I hadn't, I wouldn't be carrying this little boy that is due in 9 weeks. While I'm glad I will get to hold and love this little boy, I'm not glad that I miscarried. See what I mean? It's a bit confusing. Although I only knew that little life for about 11 weeks, it touched me and changed my life in more ways than I ever thought possible. I am grateful I was able to carry it for it's short stay here. I have an understanding now that I didn't have before. And I'm grateful that I am 31 weeks pregnant with this child. I remember the day I woke up bleeding being so angry with God, and not understanding why or what his plan was. But now, I think I do. I won't retype the whole experience but to remember, I have read my old entries...the emotions were so raw. Should you want to walk down memory lane, the entries begin in July 2009 and August 2009. It's amazing how much a miscarriage affects you. Tonight, I will light a candle, to remember.


Anonymous said...

It has been 10+years since my first miscarriage and 1+year since the second. You never forget... Life piles on top of it all, and our children make us busy, but we always remember.... xoxo

Anonymous said...

I heard this once from somewhere. Souls are continually reborn until they are loved enough. In the case of babies, the ones who die before birth or just after birth are the souls who need that last little bit of love to release them from Earth.

Jessica said...

I ave gifted you with One Lovely Blog Award. Check it out at =)

Pietrowski's of North Andover said...

You really just can't explain how losing a baby changes you and effects your life--unless you have experienced it. It's like a secret society that you automatically belong to if you have lost. Thank you for sharing your journey. It's so comforting to surround myself with others who know.

A few months ago I miscarried at 12 weeks. I am coming up to when my due date was supposed to be... and the feelings are still so raw.

One thing hubby and I have decided to do is name a star after our angel baby. We thought about planting a tree, but what if it doesn't grow? Or what if we move? A star will be there forever, as our angel will be in our hearts forever.