One year ago today, I miscarried my little angel. You know, it seems strange that it has already been a year. In one way, it seems like just yesterday, but in other ways, it seems like a lifetime ago. A lot has changed in that year and today I have all sorts of emotions/feelings/thoughts that I just can't put into words. If you've ever had a loss, I'm sure you understand. I wish that I hadn't lost that baby...but if I hadn't, I wouldn't be carrying this little boy that is due in 9 weeks. While I'm glad I will get to hold and love this little boy, I'm not glad that I miscarried. See what I mean? It's a bit confusing. Although I only knew that little life for about 11 weeks, it touched me and changed my life in more ways than I ever thought possible. I am grateful I was able to carry it for it's short stay here. I have an understanding now that I didn't have before. And I'm grateful that I am 31 weeks pregnant with this child. I remember the day I woke up bleeding being so angry with God, and not understanding why or what his plan was. But now, I think I do. I won't retype the whole experience but to remember, I have read my old entries...the emotions were so raw. Should you want to walk down memory lane, the entries begin in July 2009 and August 2009. It's amazing how much a miscarriage affects you. Tonight, I will light a candle, to remember.