May 14, 2008
Mr. Sandman, where are you????
When I first started working nights, I worried that I wasn't going to be able to sleep during the day. Turned out that I actually did just fine. I could sleep during the day and sleep at night. And it didn't screw me up too much. Since I've started working again after maternity leave, I haven't been sleeping well at all. Some could be attributed to Isaiah, but most of it isn't. Sure, he gets up in the night here and there, and the other two are up by 6:30 or 7:00. Night sleeping really isn't the problem either. Its trying to sleep after my shift. I don't drink caffeine right before bed, and I don't have a problem falling asleep. I just can't stay asleep. Usually, I lay down by 8:30 a.m. That damn noon siren this town that I used to sleep through wakes me up just about every day. And if I do sleep through it, I still wake up about 1:00, feeling like I slept all day, then I see to clock, and think "Damn." Because if you wake up after a couple hours of sleep and think you've slept all night/day long, there's no hope for getting back to sleep for long. And that's what happens. So frustrating. This past weekend, I got very little sleep. I might have gotten decent sleep Wednesday, up all day Thursday, worked Thurs. night, slept for 4-5 hours Friday, took my sister out Friday night so I didn't get to bed until 1:30 a.m., Isaiah woke up at 5:30, got a 2 hour nap Sat afternoon, worked all night Saturday, only got 5 hours Sunday, worked again, and only got 3 hours Monday. So not much sleep at all. And it taking it's toll. I'm more forgetful. I'm more irritable, and short with the kids. I've always tended to have darkness under my eyes and its much worse now. I'm having migraines with auras due to lack of sleep. My eyes get bloodshot when I'm at work, although part of it is the dry air in the hospital. And other people notice. It's quite irritating but my co-workers often say "Man, you look tired. Are you going to get to sleep today?" Thanks, guys, thanks. Glad to know I look like crap. I know they don't mean anything by it, but seriously, why do people tell you that you look tired? There's no way it could be taken as a compliment. My husband isn't' exactly sympathetic either. His advice? Get off nightshift, as if its that easy. (He tends to forget the HUGE cut in pay I'd take. Plus I think it's more because I'd be here in the a.m. to help get the kids to daycare.) I'm kind of at a loss of what to do. I don't want to have to start taking something to help me sleep, but it's getting to that point. I could take Benadryl, but it could decrease my milk supply, and I adamantly want Isaiah exclusively breastfed until 6 months. I'll figure something out. But if you see a frazzled looking nurse with bloodshot eyes and dark circles underneath, carrying a breastpump, don't tell her she looks tired. She's libel to attack. :)