A big 'ol pile of Sh*t

First I want to say I love my job: taking care of labor patients, helping new mothers learn to care for themselves and their babies. But, I hate the people running the show. Maybe hate is a strong word. I am very unhappy with their decisions. I've mentioned that I work a weekend option: work 50 out of 52 weekends a year, no holidays unless they fall on the weekend. Which means that occasionally, there will be a year I have to work Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve and New Years day. That sucks, but it's part of the deal. Plus, all the other years, I don't have to work those holidays. I also work one day during the week. Every shift I work is paid at time and a half. That's the perk. There is an option where I could only work on the weekends and not do the weekday. Well, the schedule through the holidays came out and guess what? They am scheduled Thanksgiving night and Christmas night for my day during the week. Technically, those aren't the holidays on night shift. The night before is the holiday. So they didn't schedule me for the "holiday", but they did screw me over. As a regular employee on nights, if you work the eve, then you don't work the night, and vice versa. So both nights are treated as the holiday, but only one technically the holiday. I said something to the day shift charge nurses who did the schedule, and all I can do is find someone to work for me. Right. Who is going to volunteer to work the night before and the night of? What else sucks is that the other weekend option person who does the extra weekday, didnt' have any changes to her schedule request, and I was in the group whose schedule request should be honored first this time. Mine was not only changed for the holidays, but they made three other changes. And I only work one freakin' day during the week! I made sure the two who did the schedule know that I was not happy and if this was how it was going to be, then why should I work the weekday when I don't have to. To that, one said "Well, it's your job". I then reminded her that I could easily switch to the other category. It's just some crap. I feel like I'm being punished for working the extra day. I may seriously consider dropping that day after I come back from maternity leave. Or since it's just a regular day, doing a request off. I'm sure I'd be called in at least once a week if I did drop the day. That is time and a half also. The other nurse who does the weekday said she's been looking for a reason to drop the weekday and said she would have one if they didn't change my schedule. So, really, they are screwing themselves in the long run because they may lose their 2 most experienced night shift labor nurses from 2 shifts during the week.

The good and the bad

Out getwaway to visit friends this past weekend was a lot of fun. it was nice to catch up on everything going on in each others lives and just hang out like old times. Every time we hang out with them, we end up wishing that we lived a lot closer or could get together more often, but a 2-2 1/2 hour drive makes that difficult. I also managed to survive another weekend with the inlaws without much hassle. Had to put my foot down about my mil not sleeping in bed with the kids, not telling Jacob that he doesn't need to nap anymore (he needs that nap), and not touching my belly without asking just because "that's my grandson." My response to that was "Well, it's my body, and if you think you are entitled to touch me because that's your grandson, why don't I give you a glove, take my pants off and let you feel do a vag exam and feel him directly." The baffled look I got was priceless. Yes, it was a little over the top, but I got my point across.

Work this weekend wasn't too bad Saturday night. I spent 12 hours watching someone do nothing all night. Last night was a different story. I had another "first" last nihgt. We had just enough patients to give us the perfect amount of work. Then a call from ER came that someone was down there with decreases fetal movement. Now some people I work with thing "okay, no biggie, it's just a decreased fetal movement", but not me. It's either going to be nothing , or it's going to be very bad. A lot of times you can tell by looking at the patient, face before you even get them into a gown because they know deep down if the baby is gone. I had to take this patient because the other nurse was in the middle of something. So, I put on my jacket and head in. I spent about 8 minutes looking for the heartbeat and nothing. You still hope that maybe you just aren't geting the monitor in the right place. So I call the doc and let her know the situation and that I'm not getting a heartbeat. It takes her only 6 minutes to get to the hospital to do a sono. And believe me, it felt more like 6 hours. The sono confirmed no cardiac activitiy. She was 32 weeks pregnant. It was absolutely heartwrenching. I've never had someone come in for this and not be able to get a heartbeat. The waiting and hoping that maybe, just maybe it's okay, but really knowing deep down that it's not is one of the most helpless feelings I have ever experieced. I just pray this family finds the comfort and strength they need to get through this.

Final Getaway

Tomorrow, husband and I are going up to see some friends for the night. This is the couple who is responsible for introducing us. Mike was husband's roommate and Julie was mine. They have a Halloween party every year, and it is this weekend. I unfortunately won't be able to go because the party is Saturday night and I couldn't get the weekend off, but we're going to hang out tomorrow night. Husband is staying the extra night for the party. This will probably be the last night away until after the little bean is here. I'm somewhat worried about sleeping at their house. I get up to empty my pea-sized bladder about every 2-3 hours at night. I just hope I don't wake them up everytime I get up. My parents are taking the kiddos overnight tomorrow, and against my better judgement, my in-laws will be staying here at our house Saturday night while I work and Sunday while I sleep. I'd prefer if the kids just stayed with my parents, but his parents just invited themselves down that weekend and husband said it was okay. His mom wants to see the kids in their Halloween costumes. I told my husband that they could come the follwoing weekend as we'll still have their costumes the weekend after the holiday, but to no avail. I'm sure everything will be fine, but I just don't trust my mother-in-law. She undermines me every way she can and, oh, there's the drinking thing. If my sister-in-law was going to come, I'd be okay because she can babysit both the kids and the alcoholic, but she's not coming. Maybe my father-in-law will keep an eye on her. We'll see.

4 year old insight

The other morning right after the kids woke up, my son asked me a question I wasn't quite prepared for. Let me just preface the question with this: I am not a morning person. I never have been and never will be. That's why night shift agrees with me so well. It takes me a good 30-60 minutes to be fully functional and with it cognitively when I wake up. I'm grumpy and don't like to talk, but I've had to learn to do this after having 2 kids, one of which is a morning person. In college, my roommate and I had the same class schedule (same major) and she wouldn't speak to me until I had spoken first. Just to give you an idea of me in the morning. Back to my story. The kids and I were eating breakfast and Jacob asks me, out of the blue, "Mommy, why can't I go see God now?". Um, uh oh. There's me, half awake with a very loaded question. I stumbled through, telling him he has to live here for awhile before he can go see God, that Mommy wants him to stay here for a long time and that God decides when we go. He then said "but Clara, and the baby and you can come too, Mommy, and Daddy, too. Can I go now?" I can't remember exactly what I said after that due to my morning brain, but he quickly got bored with me and went back to his cereal. How do you answer a question like that? Honestly, I'm not sure even if he had asked me when I was fully awake that I would have done much better with that question.

A good weekend

Had a beautiful delivery this weekend. First time parents, Bradley method (can I just say I really love the Bradley method?). She came in at 6 cm, progressed seemingly easily to 10 cm in 2 hours, pushed for about 5 and delivered a beautiful baby boy. I did "baby care" so mom was able to do skin to skin contact immediately after birth (instead of having the baby taken away for an assessment as soon as the cord is clamped, like some of our nursery nurses do if they do baby care), and man did this baby nurse like a champ. I'll tell ya, the people who take the Bradley classes really do very well with labor. You can barely tell they're in labor. If I couldv'r followed my own advice and trusted my body to do what it can do, I think I would have loved to have taken the Bradley classes. But, it's too late for that, and like I said, I'm a wuss and I think I would doubt myself. I really didn't know too much about the Bradley method when I had my first baby either. Anyway, it's been kinda nice. We've had a run on patients delivering without epidurals, pitocin or internal monitors. I just wonder how long it will last.

Work and the Potty

The last three nights, work has called, asking me to come in and work. I felt a little bad, but I didn't go in. I know that at times, it just gets crazy, but part of the problem this week was avoidable. We have mandatory call hours we have to take. When it started this summer, it was supposed to be a short term thing, but I doubt it goes away. We have so many 4 hour blocks on each schedule that we have to take call for, but not everyone is doing that. So those of us who do our time are still getting called when its busy to come in in addition to the call we've already taken. Of course the people who don't sign up for all the call hours don't come in on blind call in. I'm not sure how these people will be reprimanded. I mean, they can't very well fire them when we need the staff. Threatening their annual raise won't do anything because our annual raises are pathetic to begin with. I'm sure this isn't an isolated problem at my hospital, but man it sucks. I usually go in when work calls, but sometimes I just want my time off. I still work as many hours as all the other people. I just do it over 3 days instead of 4. I think they forget that sometimes. And not to use it as an excuse, but I am pregnant. I don't want to work 6 days a week.

We've been trying to potty train Clara, and man it's just not working. Jacob was easy. We just took his pull-ups away and put him in underwear. He has had manybe 5 accidents total since we did that. It was sooo easy. And people say girls are supposed to be easier. But, nothing is working with her. She'll pee most times when she sits, but still goes in her pants. We tried the same tactic we used with Jacob and she just pees/poops anyway. We tried reward, talking up getting to wear big girl underwear. I've even tried asking her to sit on the potty every 45-60 minutes. That didn't work because she gets tired of me asking and refuses to sit on the potty. I had high hopes of having her out of diapers before the little bean arrives, but I don't think it's going to happen. Sigh. Maybe she'll decide she's ready before she goes to kindergarten.

My views on c-sections

Today I had another appointment and I had hoped to get out of some of the NST's that Doc had mentioned last appointment. Didn't happen. I'll have a NST every week starting in 2 weeks until 36 weeks, then twice a week. Which is better than 2 a week starting at 32 weeks. Oh well. At least I tried.

I've been doing a lot of cruising around on-line and man, I can't believe the attitudes some people have about c-sections. I understand that an operative delivery isn't the ideal, I dont really like c-sections and there are probably too many c-sections done. Elective c-sections seem ridiculous to me. Why have your abdomen cut open for no reason? And I admit that I felt a bit cheated when I had my c-section, but all that really mattered in the end was that my daughter was alive and healthy. If it came down to it, I would let them cut me open without any anesthesia if it meant saving my baby. And my favorite type of delivery is the unmedicated, no intervention birth. Our bodies were made to do that. Women give birth out in the middle of rice paddies, without any doctors, nurses or hospitals or prenatal care. But there are some people who take it way too far in my opinion. People who come to the hospital and refuse to let us intervene at all, regardless of how the baby is doing. If you don't want any interventions regardless, why are you at the hospital? I don't have this picture of a perfect birth that I must have in order for me to feel complete as a woman, or to bond with my baby. I know what kind of birth and labor I want, but if that doesn't happen, I'm okay with that. I'm probably gonna piss some people off here, but which is more important? A healthy baby or your perfect birth? Some people get so wrapped up in what they want, that they forget the real reason they became pregnant. To bring a healtly child into this world to love. There are legitamate reasons for c-sections. Babies have been saved because of c-sections. Mother's lives have been saved because of c-sections. No one should feel like less of a woman just because she had a c-section. And no one should look down on women who have had one, or think she is less of a woman. A mother is a mother regardless of how she gave birth. A baby is a baby regardless if he/she was pushed out of a vagina or pulled out of an abdomen. I guess I think people should be thankful for what they have, instead of only regretting what they lost in this case. I love both my children, and felt equally attached to them, regardless that one was born vaginally and one was not. I did miss out on holding my daughter and nursing within that 1st hour when they are wide awake and checking out the world, and sometimes I wonder if I really needed a c/s, but at the same time, I love her as much as my son. And I'm glad she's here, healthy and alive. I never cried over not getting to labor and deliver her. Ok, there's my rant on c-sections. I feel better now. Let any tongue lashing begin.