2 Weeks Already

It's hard to believe that just over 2 weeks ago, I was still pregnant. And strange that I expected to be pregnant right now...and for the next couple weeks. Caleb is doing great. He continues to sleep most of the time, eats about every 2-3 hours and generally is an easy baby for now. He has been awake a bit more the last few days so that's been fun to watch him taking in the world. Yesterday he had an appointment and he is up to 6lbs 4oz. So he's eating well and has surpassed his birth weight! I'm healing well. My incision appears to be healing nicely but my abdominal muscles are pretty tender still, tender well up to almost my belly button. But I figure that was the extra manipulation for the tubal ligation. These crazy post-partum hormones though are the devil. With my 2nd and 3rd babies, I didn't have post-partum blues, but I did with Jacob. And again this time. Nothing serious enough to warrant concern of post-partum depression, but I am pretty irritable, teary, sad at times, emotional, etc. I think part of it is because it is an end - an end of my childbearing years. And while I have no desire for more children, it is an end to that part of my life, and being a labor and delivery nurse, I love the whole pregnancy/childbirth/newborn stuff. This is the time in recovery that I remember why it is so much easier to deliver vaginally. I want to be doing more and my body just isn't ready, and that drives me crazy! I'm also still trying to reconcile the delivery I had to what I wanted, and I'm trying to quit looking back over the last weeks of my pregnancy and wondering "What if I had done this differently, would I have still delivered preterm?" I understand 34w5d isn't so bad, but at the same time, I wanted more time. I had plans, man! I had more maternity pics to have taken and I was going to let the kids finger paint my belly like a pumpkin closer to Halloween! Oh well, now we get to dress up little Caleb for Halloween, won't be taking him out anywhere, but we can still dress him up. That's also an issue - not going anywhere with the baby. Our pediatrician recommended we not take him out in public places for 6-8 weeks...hard to do with 3 older kids, and with errands to run, etc. It's just not realistic but at the same time, I don't want to take him out in a germy store and run the risk of him getting sick. But, other than that, we're doing well. I'm still getting about as much sleep now with a newborn as I did while pregnant, breastfeeding is going great, my breast aren't even all that tender, the kids are doing well and Caleb is such a sweet little baby who loves to cuddle but will also actually sleep in his bed!