April 2, 2010
Appointment of Truth
Today I have my second appointment and check on the baby. I think I'm more anxious about this appointment than I was with the first...I think because of what happened last time. We saw a healthy heartbeat, but if we would have checked the second appointment (when they normally don't) I would have known it was gone. Plus, the last couple days, I've had periods of cramping, no bleeding, but cramping. It actually woke me up the other night and kept me up for a couple hours. I'll admit, I started fixating on it so that just added to my anxiety. Yeah, yeah, I know cramping can be normal, but that's how it started with the m/c. So that's got me more worked up than I was before. If there is a heartbeat today, I'll be able to relax and not be crazed. I hate how insanely neurotic I am with this pregnancy! I just don't know how I'll handle losing another one. And I've only m/c'd once, I just can't imagine how people relax who have had multiple m/c's. I do know that nothing is a guarantee. I could see a heartbeat today and it be gone tomorrow, at 28 weeks or 40 weeks. But the likelihood is much less. If today goes well, I'll be able to look past next week and maybe start planning for bringing a baby home in October. I'll keep you posted.