March 13, 2008

Whiny post ahead

I'm a bit frustrated right now. Since I went back to work, my husband has done nothing but complain about having to be here with the kids over night. He does have to be with them from 6pm on Saturday until he drops them off at school on Monday morning. He complains that he doesnt get a break, but neither do I. We are their parents and he seems to forget that being a parent is a lot of work. I did go to my parents a couple days ago and he stayed here so he could have a "free" day. I had hoped it would help, but it didn't. He seems to think that on the days that I'm sleeping and the kids are at daycare, that it's a "free" day for me. But I'"m sleeping and I get up to pump as long as Isaiah still gets up in the middle of the night to eat. And I sacrifce sleep in general because I work nights. I thought that I've been working night shift long enough that he understood that. He wants sympathy and a pat on the back for doing so much around the house, but on the weekends, he doesn't do anything housework wise like he seems to think that he does. He is a good dad and does do more than what some dads do, but seriously, I'm at the end of my rope. On my days off, I clean the bathrooms, do laundry, dust, sweep and mop the floors, do things with the kids to help them learn things and I have dinner ready when he gets home. And then he sits down with a book aftter he gets off of work and does nothing, and I get up with the baby all night and he sleeps all night. The only thing he has done is load the dishwasher. I haven't gone to work out lately because if I do, he complains that the baby cried the entire time (although he's sleeping when I get home usually) and he hasn't given the big one a bath and so I then have to bathe them, they don't get to bed until late and I dont get into the shower. And last night he said he wants me to switch to a regular dayshift position because it's too hard on him with me working nights and weekends. God forbid he has to drop them off at daycare. That's what the weeknd option was created for - working moms so they can work while dad watches the kids. Plus, I would take a huge paycut that we can't afford right now. I would go from making time and a half for 30 hours of work a week to straight pay for 32 hours a week. The kids would be in daycare 3 days a week, instead of 2 so there would be more money coming out of my check and less money there for the increased amount of deductions. Plus I'm not a morning person and I hated getting up early when I did work dayshift, I don't want to work with the dayshift staff because they are all pretty highstrung because it gets so busy. My plan is to get off of night shift weekend option after all three kids are in school, so I don't intend on doing it forever. Maybe we need to get out away from the kids for a night, I don't know. It's so funny that some people think that if they are having trouble in their marriage that they should have a baby.

4 comments:

LDRN said...

Just wanted to say that I found your blog in December, when I was lying awake in the hospital, recovering from my first-born's birth (via C/s). I am also a L&D nurse in a high-risk Level III hospital in Nashville.
I know exactly how you feel...I work nights right now & intend to until all our kids are in school (we plan to have 4 kids as well). Just last night, I was talking to my H about trying to get a WEO position, but explained that it would pretty much negate all weekends (minus one each six months), etc, etc. He seemed okay with it as he could get more work done during the week & have to work fewer Saturday mornings. FF to this am, when he complained that our son, Trevor, was "up all night" (more like every 2-3 hours b/c he's going thru a growth spurt) & complaining that he doesn't get to sleep during the day like I do---um, hello!! I WORK NIGHTS, and the day time is when I sleep--like you nights except that you are able to sleep more while our son needs to stay awake more in the daytime (so as to not keep you up so much w/day-night confusion)....
I've worked nights for several years & it seems like he's just now thinking that he's doing more than me (I am also BF & pumping. Trevor was born 12.10)....and I'm pulling 90% of the chore weight around here, too...
He'd like for me to switch to days, but I am not a morning person & I dislike most day shift people at my job. Also, factoring in daycare, pay cut, etc...it's just not worth it.
I guess by your example, he'll never get it either.
Sorry this is so long!!

Niffer said...

So, I think you're my dopple-ganger! Sometimes I could have written what you post! I'm an L&D nurse working nights, (not hight risk though, have three kids too. I was breastfeeding till about a week ago... I got mastitis 3 mos ago, and then since have had 4 clogged milk ducts. Basically breastfeeding has been painful for 3 mos, so I finally threw in the towel(hate the guilt I feel now- it's eating me alive!) Anyway... I know your frustrations with your husband! They think that they should get some award or special recognition for doing the dishes...UGH! My husband and I had a talk about house work responsibilities about 8 mos ago when I was put on light duty from my dr( superficial blood clot in my leg with this last pregnancy) so since then He's had to pick a chore that he'd commit to weekly... He picked scouring the bathrooms... who know why, but thank God! So every week he does this (sort of). On the weekends I work he can't ever scour our bath 'cuz I'm sleeping and he'd wake me up... hello! What about after the kids go to bed? I have to do as much as I can before my 3 in a row (TH/FR/SA) or I'm playing catch up for ever!

Have you tried sitting down with him and having a heart to heart? Ask him if there's anything he needs from you, then tell him one thing you need help with.

As for the wanting you to go to days... tell him to suck it up!! Your the one who's sleep deprived! Suffering from what I call "night brain", and sacrificing to make ends meet for your family!! I'm a younger mom (27)- is that still young? but to me parenting is a team sport... not you bring home the bacon and I'll cook it! You both work outside the home, you should both work inside the home!

hope I'm not ranting too much!
I love your blog.
For a good laugh check out
www.itsababynotbrainsurgery.blogspot.com

PE Mommy said...

My dh is the EXACT same way!!!! He whined and cried when I was pregnant that I shouldn't be taking a nap (when I was up all night with a 2 year old with a 104 temp) or I was letting the house go. Then we lost the baby at 13 1/2 weeks and his tune totally changed. We had it out a week after losing the baby. He cried. I cried and things have been better since. I don't think I'll be having that issue again.

Caro said...

Lots of sympathy. My husband has already complained that I'm going to be off work all summer. Because, you know, looking after our newborn doesn't count as work.