One Year Ago...

At 3:47 am, I met my handsome little Caleb face to face! What a ride it was getting him here! I reread my birth story and I can see the anxiety and frustration in my "voice". I am much more at peace with how things went than I was a year ago. Happy Birthday little guy! It's been a wonderful first year!!

T-3 weeks!!!

The marathon is coming up in 3 weeks!! AACK!!! I'm starting to freak out more and more as M-day gets closer. I gave up on the idea of a 20 mile run before the big day. Yesterday I did get in a 17.4 mile run and I did it in 3:25, so I feel better. And I'm not really too sore today, surprisingly. Yeah, my calves are a little tight and my hips are a little stiff, but not bad at all. After my half marathon, I was pretty sore for a few days, so I expected more ache after 17 miles. Guess that's a good sign! My average mile pace was 12.5 minutes, so it's much better than what I expected. The pace team I'll be running with runs a 13some minute mile, so seeing my average mile pace was just a tad faster felt good. I will say that the last mile or so of the run, I was hurting a bit. My quads were on fire and my feet were starting to protest. I wasn't out of breath or anything, in fact I could have had a conversation with someone, but my muscles were unhappy. That does concern me a bit because I will still have 9 more miles to go. I'm hoping that a slightly slower pace and the adrenaline of running my first marathon will help carry me through, although I know at probably mile 19-20, I'll hit the wall and it will be a battle to finish. Next week starts my tapering...part of me wants to try another long run of at least 16 miles, but I I know I need to be kind to my body and let it recover completely before running 26.2. I'm still waiting on my packet to come in the mail that I have to take with me to the health and wellness expo so I can get my number and chip. Once I have that, the only thing left to do will be to figure out what shirt to wear. Oh, yes, I've heard that the marathon shirt is important. I'm still tossing a few ideas around in my head, but haven't decided what to do yet. I still have a little bit of time left. When I run, I run alone...and the only things to see are corn and bean fields. Ok, so know that we're in harvest season, I see the occasional harvester, and I'll have you know I run faster than a combine harvesting corn! Anyway, so my runs are boring, lonely and lack scenery. Marathon day I'll be running the streets of downtown Chicago. How amazing will that be?! Plus there will be thousands of people there cheering me on. I think that will help the miles go by much quicker than they do when I run on my own. That's my hope anyway.

About a Month Left until M-Day

It's been a busy few weeks around here. School is in full swing, big kids are busy with football and cheerleading, and I'm trying my darndest to get out and run. The marathon I am running is coming up in 1 month and 2 days. I am so not ready for it. I still can't believe I'm really going to run 26.2 miles, willingly. I've been reading up on training and other people's first marathon experiences. I don't know if the stories help or are making the fear worse! A common theme is people are sore for a week after running, can't walk down stairs, and are ready to throw in the towel and quit as they enter the devil's territory at mile 20. Most people train for months for a marathon, getting in a few 20 milers ahead of time. The longest I've run is 14 miles. I've gotten in several 10-14 mile runs, but no 20 milers. And I'm not sure I'll get one in. This really isn't how I wanted to train for my first marathon. I wanted to feel more ready. My goal is to run at least two 16 milers beforehand. The biggest problem I have is finding the time to do these long runs. I'm not fast at all, so I need a block of 4 hours or so if I want to get in a 16 mile run. I did 14 miles in 2:50. That's a lot of time to block out of a day when you work full time, have kids in activities and the sun starts setting earlier and earlier. I do have a plan. My main goal is just to finish it in under 6:30 because that is the cut-off time to be an "official" finisher. I'm not worried I can't do the distance, I know I can do the 26 miles, I'm just worried I can't do the miles fast enough. If I'm going to run the damn thing, I sure as hell want to be an official finisher! I'll be signing up with a pace team of 5:45...that way I'll start out slow, have someone to pace me, and if need be, I can slow down a bit and have some time to play with to come in under 6:30. Holy cow, I could be running for more than 6 hours! Most people who run marathons probably have a goal to come in under 4 hours. I can't even imagine being able to run that fast for that long at this point. There are times I think that I must have some kind of mental illness because I'm going to run it, despite the lack of adequate training in my mind, and after reading the stories of how miserable people feel during and after the race. But there is also something else common in marathon stories - that sense of accomplishment. The feeling that people get when they cross the finish line, that they did something most people never will. A marathon is a purely personal, solo victory. There isn't a team to help you if you start to slow down and run out of steam. No one can train your mind and body to run for hours. No one can run it for you. I can only imagine what it will feel like when I finally cross that finish line, knowing that I accomplished something I thought I never would. After 4 kids, with the youngest being only 12 months, I will have completed my first (and maybe last) marathon. Who knows, maybe this will be the first of several marathons. Guess we'll have to see.

2 years

Just remembering...2 years ago, I miscarried baby #4. While the pain of that loss has been eased in a way with the birth of Caleb, it's still sad. There was a little life there with us, if for only a brief time. And that little child led us on the path to bringing Caleb into our lives. If that child had lived, we wouldn't have this precious little 11 month old. At the same time, I wanted that child here. One day, I'll meet that soul I believe. But for today, I'm remembering...

Half Marathon....check!

I did it! I finally ran a half marathon! I've been training since, I think April and this past Saturday, I actually ran it! And it was awesome! My main goal was to finish, but because I have such a competitive nature, I had really hoped to come in under 2:45...my official time was 2:25:19! I beat my goal time by 20 minutes. I'll admit, it wasn't easy. I felt great for the first 7 miles. I have a tendency to start out way too fast. It's easy to do because there are so many people at the start and everyone sort of moves in a group...plus the adrenaline of running a race kicks in. At the 1 mile mark, I was at 8:58. It was a much faster pace than I should have been running for a half-marathon. I tried to slow down, but I hit 2 miles at 19min, 3 at 29min, 4 at 39 minutes on up to 6 miles...then I started slowing down. The toughest mile was 8-9. I did manage to run to mile marker 9, but then I had to walk a little past the water station. (I walked through all the water stations because I'm not coordinated enough to run and drink from a solo cup...but it was only a few steps). Miles 10-12 were pretty tough and I was ready to be done. Finally, I could see the flag and a hill to go over the interstate and get back to the track. A guy there said we were only half a mile away. Thank goodness! I knew my kids would be at the finish and I wanted them to see me finish running, so I walked up the hill and ran the rest of the way. Seeing my kids at the finish line was the boost I needed to finish strong! It's a sort of cruel joke that you get to the track and you can see the finish line...but you have to run a lap before you cross! When you are tired, even after running 13 miles, a lap can seem like forever! I gave Isaiah a high five as I got onto the track and as I came around to the side that the finish line was on, Isaiah ran along the fence as I crossed the line! It was an awesome feeling! I'm pretty sore this am. Stairs are not my friends, especially if I have to go down. But I accomplished a goal! I'm still celebrating but I've got some major, major training to do to be ready for a full marathon. At mile 12, I had serious doubts about whether or not I can be ready for 26 miles so soon. I still have doubts, but I've got to try. But for right now, I can say I've run a half marathon and I'm looking forward to doing it again!

Murphy's Law of Motherhood

You have sports practice for 2 of your 4 kids at 5:30, and you managed to feed them a healthy yet satisfying light meal at 4pm, get them water for practice, they are dressed (which is something for a momma who know nothing about football gear), baby is fed AND bathed after a blow-out diaper, the 3-year is excited for the park, and you *think* you have everything you need for the baby in the to-go-baby-bag should he get hungry/need a diaper change/want a toy, but you thought wrong. As soon as the 2 kids take off for their respective fields, and the 3 year old is outside ready to go play on the swings, the baby will projectile vomit his entire supper as you open the van door to pull him out of his carseat. And while you have wipes and a diaper, you realize you forgot a change of clothes.

Murphy's Law of Motherhood #567

"From that day on, if I was ever going somewhere, I was running!"

Love that movie, Forrest Gump. Anyway, since May, I've been training for my first half marathon, which is coming up on the 20th! My training has been going very well, I'm up to 12 miles, which is the farthest my training schedule has me run, until race day anyway. I'm ready, I will probably have to walk a little bit here and there, but my goal isn't a great time...I just want to finish the 13.1 miles and be able to say that I did it. It's been a huge stress reliever for me and in a way, giving me confidence. Each mile I add to my long run has been therapeutic and given me a renewed confidence in my determination and physical ability. I never thought I'd get to a point where I could say "Yeah, I can run 13.1 miles, I'm ready".

I haven't even run that half marathon, but I'm already looking forward to my next challenge: a full marathon. I entered a contest to win an entry to a marathon. They asked for people's stories as to what their motivation to run is. I still don't know why I did it because I'm sure not ready to run 26 miles, but something made me submit my story, my motivation. And guess what? I now have an entry into a marathon this October! I'm pretty nervous about it because I didn't really think I had a chance, so I was quite surprised when I saw I was among the winners. My initial thought was "Oh, crap! I can't do this! Not that soon!" but as I thought about it, there was a reason I submitted an entry. Something pushed me to do it. And I meant every word, that I want to be a role model for my children. I want them to see firsthand that even though the road to attaining a goal might be tough and take many miles, if you believe in yourself, work hard and give it all you've got, you can reach that goal. That's exactly what I'm going to do. It's going to take a lot of time, sweat, hard work and determination, but I will do this. I will complete a marathon this year. Eek!!!

Here's my story:
I've always considered myself a runner and thought that one day, I would run a marathon. After getting married and starting a family, I found it hard to make time to get out and run. I'd still get out when I could, ran a few 5K's, but I never really made the time to push myself and train for that marathon. It became just a pipe dream. Last year, after a difficult pregnancy, and preterm delivery of my 4th baby, I slipped into that dark world of post-partum depression. Determined to find myself again, I started running, setting a goal to run a 5K, 5 mile race, 10K and then a half marathon in August. I have successfully left post-partum depression behind me, ran that 5K, a 5 mile race, and I'm prepared to run a half marathon, looking ahead to running that first full marathon. Not only do I run for myself, but for my 4 children. I don't want them to think any dream, goal or aspiration is out of reach. I want them to know that if you set your mind to do something, work hard and believe in yourself, that you can do anything.