Random tidbits

Tomorrow, my first "baby" is going to be 8 years old. I can still remember like it was yesterday watching him being born in the mirror, being in awe that Husband and I had created a life and that I was a mother. I can still remember looking into his little face just moments after he was born and knowing what it means to totally and instantly fall in love with someone. He's come a long way from that 7lb 7oz newborn! He's a typical skinny 8 year old boy who loves baseball and football, is able to assemble those massive lego kits (which I STILL can't figure out) and he can navigate the computer as well (if not better) than I can!

Caleb is almost 10 months! He's becoming a chunky little boy and I just love it. He is still nursing, although most of his calories come from formula and table foods. And I'm ok with that. Every once in awhile when a mom on post-partum comes up with multiple bottles of milk she pumped and I'm barely able to eke out 3 oz when I pump, I do get a little bit of milk envy, but then I remember that I was once a milk machine too, just not with Caleb. He's crawling everywhere, and he likes to pull himself up to stand. The other night, he started cruising the length of the coach. Before long, he'll be running! I'm not quite ready for that!

In less than 6 weeks, I run my first half-marathon! Eek!! It's been so hot and humid lately that I haven't been able to get out and run. The heat isn't so much the problem - it's the humidity. But I've gotten in a couple 10 mile runs and if I can get a few more of those in, like one once a week, I think I'll be ok. The week before the half, I'm doing a 10K, which I realized is less than half of a half marathon, but it's a sort of warm up to the "big" one. I did get new running shoes and they feel great on my feet...can't wait to be able to get out and run in them, hopefully tonight.

Behind the nurses station on the night shift

What do L&D nurses do when the unit is (dare I even utter the word) slow? Well, we come up with ways to entertain ourselves, like fashioning stylish outfits from hospital supplies. For holding the monitors on pregnant bellies, we either use belts or these beige girdle things that come in a huge roll. It's elastic fabric that they step into and pull up over their stomach. The scrub techs measure them and cut out appropriate sized girdles from the massive roll. Most people actually like them better than the belts, as do the nurses because they tend to hold the monitors in place better for when a patient is shifting around in bed, they can be held at a tilt with a wash rag over it, and some moms just like the support. Others hate them. One night, I decided that these girdles would make a beautiful mini skirt and tube top. So I donned them over my scrubs. It was a good look. The next night I came in, I found a long "evening gown" in my mailbox. So, like any good model, I tried it on, and then we accessorized it. A pair of white mesh underwear became a lace belt around my waist. In order for me to walk, we had to cut a slit up the side, up to the mid-thigh, which was very sexy given the blue scrubs I was wearing underneath. We thought the orange peripads would look great around the bottom, but decided against wasting too much in the way of supplies. So we used a few of the gold hearts that hold the temp probes on the babies - it added a bit of bling. A necklace could be fashioned out of IV tubing with blood tubes taped to it. And for the perfect shoes? Why those brown hospital socks with the treads on the bottom, of course! If we were going to go all out, we thought we could stain some areas with betadine for a patterned dress. The perfect purse, no doubt, would be that high-style foley bag. Most of the "details" we didn't actually add...we didn't want to waste much in the way of hospital supplies, but 2 pairs of underwear and about 6 gold hearts were used. Our style show lasted all of 15 minutes before we had to get back to work. Here's a picture of just the "gown", before we put a slit in the side and added our flare to it. It's lovely. I'm sure you're all jealous.

Half Marathon

Over the last several weeks, I've been training for a half marathon. It's a life goal of mine and I'm happy to say that I think I might actually just be able to run one! It's been hard though, I won't lie. I've had to work to make time to get out and run and to build up my endurance. The morning of the 4th, I ran a 5 mile race right after getting off of work. It was hot and my time wasn't the greatest, but I am telling myself I'm slower than I was 2 years ago because I'm training for a half marathon, not 5K's or 5 mile races. My pace is slower. The last 2 weeks, I've managed to do a 10mile long run once a week. It takes me about 2 hours, and I'm a bit sore when I'm done. The first time I ran, I ran right after working my 3rd night shift. It was the only time I could do a morning run and have the kids already at the sitter. It went pretty well, but my muscles were quivering when I got done. Seriously, I looked at my quads and they were twitching. I did stretch for quite awhile, and then went to bed for a few hours before getting the kids. I didn't actually sleep because my body wouldn't let me. I'm not sure how to describe it because I wasn't in pain or anything...I can't really describe it. I must have slept for a little bit because when I got up around 3pm, my legs hurt. Last night I did the 10mile course again and it was much better, but I still didn't sleep as great as I normally do. The half marathon I'm signed up for is August 20th. The weekend before I'm running a 10K in Husband's hometown, and I took the whole weekend off for the half marathon. I've got a lot of work to do to get myself physically prepared for running a 13.1 mile race in August. I'm also mentally trying to prepare myself, too. I know I can do it, and I WILL do it. And even though I'm sure in the middle of the race, I'll be wondering "WTH did I get myself into?", it will be worth it. It's something I'm doing purely for me, to know that even after 4 kids I can still run 13.1 miles. I also think it will be healing for me, too. I'm at peace (for the most part) with my pregnancy/delivery experience with Caleb, but there's still part of me that feels like my body failed me and him: by delivering early, and by not producing enough breastmilk for him, even though I made a ton with my other kids and I've done just about everything I can to increase the supply. But we have to supplement with formula, something I never did before. I'm pretty sure it was due to him not have as strong of a suck since he was 34 weeks. Anyway, I'm looking forward to it, which I realize sounds a bit crazy, kind of like a woman looking forward to labor. I'm up for the challenge and the reward after it's done will be worth it!

You know you've got work on the brain when...

...when you are dreaming that a couple of your friends are pregnant and came over to your house because they think they are in labor. They didn't come because they want you to time their contractions, help them decide if they are in labor or anything like that...they came because they want you to help them have a out-of-hospital water birth. At your house, in your tub. Amazing the things the mind comes up with when you are sleeping!

Childbirth Education

I mentioned that I've been pretty burned out lately, and I was thinking that I need something different to change things up. Either that or a long vacation. Not from patient care. That is what gets me through my shifts. It's the other B.S. that goes on. Anyway, one of the doctors is looking for a new office nurse and I thought "Hey, talk about timing. I'm getting frustrated to the point where I understand why nurses leave the bedside and go to offices and here's an opportunity". It's one I didn't make, though. I couldn't actually leave l&d, I'd miss it too much. I realized that I just need to do something different, maybe 1 day a week doing NST's and whatnot in an office, just to have one day of work where I'm not waking someone up, or arguing with someone to come in. Then one night this past weekend, the nurse who is in charge of all the childbirth education classes the hospital has asked if I would be willing to teach next year. My initial reactions was no, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided that I would do it. She was getting ready to work on next year's class schedule and a couple people who are currently teaching aren't going to next year. The timing is perfect. The commitment isn't too time consuming, just one night a week for 4 week classes. Plus it wouldn't be until next year that I would start teaching. Already, my attitude is a bit better. She said here in the next couple weeks, she'd chat with me about what I want to do. She needs someone to teach the typical childbirth education class and someone to teach the smaller c-section awareness class. I'm excited about this. This is just what I needed at just the right time.

Burn Out

I'm getting burned out. I'm in desperate need of a vacation, or something. I used to wonder why nurses would leave L&D for offices or Monday-Friday dayshift jobs, but I think I've figured it out. Here's a quick list of things I'm tired of:

1. Working so short-staffed that we are all just running from the moment we clock in to the moment we leave. The worst part is feeling like you can't give good care because you have too many patients and not enough nurses.

2. Arguing with physicians to get them to come in. Don't get me wrong, most of the docs I work with are great. But some aren't. Yes, I want you on the way to the hospital when you have a multip present at 8-9 cm and wants to deliver in the tub. And yes, I would like you to come see my preterm patient who has quite a bit blood running down both of her legs.

3. Scolding by physicians. Really? Do you have to yell at me if a patient comes in ready to rock and she vomits and her baby delivers before you got there? I didn't do it on purpose. And on the flip side, please don't yell at me if you have to wait 15-20 minutes until the patient delivers. Or getting my arse chewed because I've called too many times...not for ignorant reasons, but because patients come in. I HAVE to call and tell you that you have a patient that is here and in labor. It's not an option to have one of your children tell me that you are occupied and without a phone (you are on-call for several other physicians) and unless it's an emergency, that you will call back in an hour (because you are taking a nap).

4. Lack of sleep. I'm so tired of being tired. Night shift is wearing me down right now. My body wants to go to sleep every night and not have to switch from sleeping during the day on some days and at night.

5. Unpleasant coworkers. Yes, I know they are everywhere, but the morale is so bad right now. I had someone flip out because another nurse got pulled from post-partum to labor and a stool softener got missed in the process. Really? It's a stool softener, not a big deal if it's an hour late.

I know that all comes with the territory, but sometimes, it just gets you down. I will say that it helped immensely to have an awesome delivery last night. She had a pretty horrible birth experience with her first, but after she was holding her new baby, she kept saying how thankful she was that her labor with this baby was so much better of an experience. So that's why I keep going back...for those patients who need someone to advocate for them, someone to help them have the birth and healthy baby that they want, someone to argue with their doc to come in to see them, someone to work in the middle of the night, someone to do what's right for the patient so they can have a healthy baby. I'll get out of this funk here soon.

Summer

We are in to the full swing of summer, and let me tell you, it is crazy up in here! Not only are we busy here at home with baseball games, bible school and just the daily stuff, but it has been crazy at work, too! Last weekend was one of the busiest nights I've ever worked. Maybe not the busiest, but pretty dog-gone close. It was one of those nights where it started off quiet...then all chaos broke loose when multiple patients came up at a time...and all of them were active labor. It was just nuts! And of course, we work short-staffed on weekends and nights because, well, don't you know that everyone sleeps at night? And just try calling people in on a weekend night too, see how many people will answer their phones, let alone come in. I actually ended up working a double shift Sunday night into Monday. It was the first time I've worked that many hours and when I got into the van to drive home from work, I didn't feel too bad. I called my SIL to talk to someone to help keep me awake, just in case, but about a mile or two from home, she had to let me go. Then out of no where I was in my driveway. I have absolutely no memory of how I got home. I've spaced out driving before, when I'm going somewhere I go to on a regular basis, like work, but this was different. This wasn't just a spaced out. This is memory gone, like I was almost asleep, under anesthesia or just teleported from one spot to the other. It really freaked me out and still does. Thank goodness I got home ok.

Around here, it's just been the usual summer stuff, except this year we have 2 kids playing baseball, so twice as many games, twice as many assigned concession stand dates. This past Saturday, Clara had a game at noon and I had to work concession. Fine, except Husband was working. Thankfully, Clara's game was at a park just outside of town and I was able to watch Jacob and Isaiah play on the equipment while I worked. Caleb had a good time in one of my wraps up on my back. It was funny watching people's reactions when they realized he was there. For awhile, he was banging his toy keyring on my back making noise. He did fall asleep eventually. At 4:00, Jacob had a game so I carted all 4 kids out again. Clara and Isaiah ran around, played with some other kids and at one point, Caleb was being squirmy, trying to climb all over me. This one mom was there watching her nephew and she had one kid who looked to be about 3 years old. He was being a typical defiant 3 year old, and she was trying to get him to behave. I really wasn't paying much attention, because 3 year olds act up from time to time, but when she finally sent him to sit with his uncle, she looked at me with Caleb and said "See what you have to look forward to?". I just smiled. At 6:00pm, I usually head to work, but Husband had just gotten to the field to relieve me so I could run home, grab my lunch and breastpump and head out the door, barely making it on time. I know, I know, when all 4 are older and in stuff it will be even busier. I will say we are getting better at time management and figuring out how to get this kid here when the other one has to be somewhere else. We're learning, slowly, but we're learning!