Who wouldn't want to be me?

Last year when I took a weekend night shift position, I knew that some weekend, there would be a Sunday that my husband would have to work and no one would be available to watch the kids. Therefore, I would have to stay up Sunday and try to function on a nap and then go into work at 7pm Sunday night. That's after being up all day Saturday, getting a short nap Sat. afternoon, working 12 hours, then staying up all day Sunday with only a nap, working for 12 hours, driving home, then getting to sleep. That would be suicide if it ever happened. We've been lucky so far. This weekend, our luck ran out. Well, my luck, really. Husband has to work Sunday, no getting out of it, and none of our usual babysitters are available for a multitude of reasons. With the weekend option position I work, I can't just have someone work for me, plus, a Saturday night is very difficult to trade anyway. And, I really can't just call in sick. My only hope is that I can sign the "flex list", hope I'm at the top of the list and that it's slow enough I get put on call Saturday night. That kills the paycheck, but I also have to be able to function. Really, I realize I just can't stay awake that long because I can't put my patients at risk. It seems dire now and I'm completely freaking out, but I'm hoping we'll get something worked out by the weekend. I'm already running on a low tank of sleep. This could be very bad. Cross your fingers for me!

Sprinkler park fun

When I was pregnant with Jacob, I had this idea of how motherhood would be: full of activities, going to the park, playing in the pool, learning activities and just fun all day long. Yeah, there would be stressful times, but really, I figured it would be easy. Three kids later, I can tell you it's not like that. They bicker, fight, disobey, and I have a long list of household duties that have to be done everyday. We do do activities and fun things, its just not the idyllic constant fun I had in my mind. Today was one of those days where it was like I had imagined it would be. After a war of the wills, kids vs. mommy (mommy won), I took them to one of the sprinkler park after nap time. I was worried it would be stressful trying to keep an eye on them, but it was a ton of fun. We went to a new one and while the sprinkler park part was smaller than the one I went to last year, they had the biggest playground set I've ever seen. And it was on this really spongy, bouncy mat type thing, to help cushion the kids if they fall. Last year, Clara was scared of the water. After about 30 minutes, she got into it. Jacob loved it from the start and they had some small water spouts that Isaiah loved. It was fun just watching them run around, play in the water and just enjoy the hot summer day. I wish I had taken a camera. It was a ton of fun. Afterwards, we got dried off, they ate supper without a fight and without messing around, hallelujah, and we went to get ice cream at this small ice cream stand that has the best ice cream around. Since it went so well, I'm more willing now to take them back on a regular basis, and to try doing other fun things.

The return of the aura

I knew it was coming. I was due. The migraine and aura has returned. This past week I've been pretty stressed and I haven't gotten a lot of sleep. Yup, that combo is my trigger. This morning, I was awakened by my husband at 5:30 a.m. I had fallen asleep in the rocking chair last night, trying to get Isaiah to sleep and stay asleep. Even though I must have gotten some sleep, it wasn't good sleep, and my neck is still pretty sore. He's got a cold and I think that was what the problem was, but it sucked. I, of course, went to bed, knowing that Jacob would be up in an hour and Isaiah would probably be hungry soon, although I'm not sure exactly what time he had nursed last. This is TMI, but kinda funny: he must have latched on to the side of my breast because there is a small little hickey on the side of the arreola. Like I said, TMI. I have no memory of that, and I'm surprised because I'm sure it didn't feel good. I was that tired. But, anyway, I had a migraine this afternoon. Well, an aura with a headache. The kids were screaming, Jacob bit Clara out of nowhere, something he's never done, and that's when I noticed the blind spot. I had hoped, that I was just so frustrated I was seeing stars, but no, the electric zigzag appeared along with an annoying headache. It's been 2 months since my last one, I think, and I was hoping I wouldn't have any more. I work tonight and this weekend so I'm really hoping it goes away before I leave for work.

Disorganized and Disorderly

Back before I had kids, I was a very organized person. In college when my roommate and I would drive an hour to visit our boyfriends (now husbands) at another college, we both would have lists of what we planned to wear, down to the shoes, socks and jewelry. I had lists of what homework, studying, events needed to get done. And I did this everyday. I lived by my planner. I was never late to meetings, never forgot to do anything. Even after college, I was like this. I continued to have lists, and my apartment/house was clean, not spotless, but clean. Bills were organized and I was never behind on anything. I felt like I had a handle on everything. Not the case anymore. Yeah, I expected to lose some of that control after the kids came along. And I felt like I was doing okay keeping track of things. Boy was I wrong. Ever since I went back to work the end of February, I've realized that I'm utterly disorganized. Twice now I thought I worked one day to find out that I had the wrong date written down. Let me tell you, that's a good way to make you feel intelligent! One was the worst case scenario where I thought I worked a Thursday, was actually scheduled for Wednesday. So I go to bed Wednesday, and show up for work Thursday. Completely missed my shift Wednesday. That was a very proud moment! My house is a disaster, I can't keep up with household chores, I've forgotten to send in a bill here and there, and just keeping track of all the appointments and work schedule has proven to be a daunting task. I need to do something to get back on top of things. I haven't had a planner for the last 2 years. The calendar isn't in a very visible spot. So I will be moving the calendar, and I'm going to buy a planner. One I'll actually use. With Jacob getting ready to start school, I need to be more organized. I can't be forgetting meetings,activities, my work schedule etc. I think the stress of 3 kids 5 and under, an old house that needs work that can't all be done at once due to finances, me wanting it done like yesterday, lack of sleep and trying to please everyone is wearing on me.

Just a great delivery

This a.m., there have been some nasty storms rolling through. Cool looking clouds, but very ominous. Luckily so far they've not amounted to much. Last week, I actually felt like a labor nurse. I had a patient who was being induced that had a back surgery when she was a kid and had rods placed. When she got to the point she wanted an epidural, she found out that she couldn't get one due to the risk involved with placing an epidural with the type of rods she had. So, she's 4-5 cm, first baby, very uncomfortable and getting ready to labor and deliver without an epidural, like she had hoped. Plus, she was on pitocin and our policy requires continuous monitoring while on pitocin, so I couldn't get her in the tub. But, she did awesome. I worked with her, got dad involved, she used the ball, the rocking chair, did the labor dance while holding her husband, we did counter pressure and massage and she did it. And I found I was having fun, and I felt like I was actually a support to her, instead of just being and interventionist. Something I noticed was the difference in her behavior when she thought she could get an epidural and after. She actually acted more uncomfortable, and moaned more getting to 4-5 cm than she did after she found out she could not have an epidural. It's almost like when you know there is no relief except delivery, moms handle the pain better and are in more control than when they know they can always bail and have anesthesia. Not that I blame them, I myself went for the epidural. After it was all over and she was holding her baby (skin to skin, no less) you could tell she felt like The Woman. If I had to wager a guess, I would say that when she's laboring with her next baby, she'll go sans anesthesia. It was a nice delivery in the middle of chaos going on all around the unit. But, that's a whole other long story I won't delve into this post.

Product Warning Labels

You know all those warning labels on products that seem sometimes a little ridiculous? Or warnings that maybe makes sense to warn people and give them directions on what to do if they, say, ingest too much shampoo, but you wonder "how do you do that?" Toilet bowl cleaner, for instance, has a warning on it and directions on what to do if you get it in your eyes. It basically tells you to run water slowly over your open eye for 15-20 minutes, call poison control and/or call your physician for further treatment. The thought of holding my eye open under running water doesn't sound like a lot of fun. I always wondered how in the world could you get toilet bowl cleaner in your eyes? Well, yesterday while I was scrubbing toilets with toilet bowl cleaner, a very small drop of water splashed up into my right eye. Man, did it burn like fire. So I rinsed my eye, although not by running tap water directly into my eye, and flushed it with saline on and off for several hours. In case your wondering how it feels to get toilet cleaner in your eyes, its kind of like someone rubbing salt directly onto your eyeball. My eye burned for several minutes, and the rinsing did stop the burning. I then had a minor headache for a couple hours after that, and my eye felt like there was something in it, like an eyelash. Flushing with saline helped with that. That eye is now completely bloodshot. Today it feels fine, I can still see, but I look like hell. My left eye is all bloodshot because I ruptured blood vessels in it from my vomiting session over the weekend. Now the right eye matches, thanks to toilet bowl cleaner and my ability to splash toilet water 3 feet in the air and have a drop land in my eye. This really has been a fantastic week for me. I'm sure purty lookin' right now. It looks like I've been up for a week smoking and drinking. And I have to work tonight. Fabulous.

Hazards of Nursing

When you decide to become a nurse, you know that you are probably going to have to deal with bodily fluids. Vomit, feces, urine, saliva, snot, blood, amniotic fluid, breast milk, etc. None of them are very pleasant but you learn to deal with it as part of the job. Now I do well with bodily fluids. I've been doused with amniotic fluid. I've been peed on while a mom was pushing. One night, I massaged a fundus on this woman who was bleeding a bit more than she should after delivery and several large clots came out with a quiet "plop plop plop". After they were out, her bleeding stopped but I had blood in my hair. I hit the shower that night. When I worked critical care, I had to dig out an impaction in this guys rectum, which once it was dislodged, the brown flood gates opened everywhere, if you know what I mean. He said he was eternally grateful. I also had a guy getting go-litely for a procedure the next day. He was pooping so much, he just sat on the commode, because towards the end of it, its just liquid. Well, he had gone so much, the commode bucket fell to the floor, spilling hours worth of poop on the floor. While working as a CNA in a nursing home, a nice lady with Alzheimer's was found in her room, with her poop smeared all over her and the room. Sad as it was, she was happy as a clam and we got her and her room clean after about an hour. All of those were so very nasty, but I dealt with it. Respiratory secretions get me, though. When I had to empty out emesis basins full of COPDers sputum, it would seriously make me gag. If I would have ever gotten any on me, I really think I would have vomited. Deep suctioning and trachs grossed me out way too much. That was a hint I didn't belong in the ICU. Vomit usually does people in, but I do pretty well. I've seen plenty of vomit, between work and my kids. That is as long as it doesn't get on me. Work was busy so I agreed when they called and asked if I would work. No problem, I'll work for 4 hours. One of the patients called out and asked for her nurse. I didn't see her nurse, so I went in to see what I could do for her. Teamwork. I walk in her room, she's sitting up, with no sign of what is about to come up. I get to her bedside, she says "I feel a bit naus - BLLEECCHH". All. Over. Me. I'm not talking a small amount of vomit. I mean a stomach-full worth of chunky, smelly nastiness. It got in my pockets, into my shoes, my socks, down the front of my scrubs and on my bra. She showed no sign, NO SIGN, that she was going to puke all over me. We have strategically placed pans close to the bed for this reason. Labor can make you vomit. I just didn't have any warning and no time. It wasn't her fault and she felt horrible. But I almost vomited myself. As I'm standing there in shock at the amount of vomit on me, her nurse walks in, sees me turning paler by the second and the patient apologizing all over. And she starts laughing. Because she knew it could have been her. I did manage to get wiped up enough I could go to our lounge without leaving a trail, change and clean up and shower quickly before putting on clean scrubs. Ah, The hazards of working as a nurse!